Breaking up is never easy, and doing so near Valentine’s Day, a holiday centered around love, can feel even more daunting. However, is it truly unkind, or is it sometimes the best decision?
February is often seen as the month of love, yet many couples end their relationships around Valentine’s Day, says Kiana Shelton, a therapist at Mindpath Health. The holiday often amplifies social pressure to express love through grand gestures, which can feel insincere for someone considering a breakup. Additionally, some people are still reflecting on their New Year’s resolutions, including whether their current relationship aligns with their personal growth.
So, should you break up before Valentine’s Day or wait until after? Relationship experts weigh in.
Breaking Up Before Valentine’s Day
According to Dr. Morgan Cope, an assistant professor of psychology at Centre College, breakups are rarely impulsive; they are usually a decision people contemplate for a long time.
While it may seem harsh to end a relationship before Valentine’s Day, there is never a "perfect" time to break up. Waiting too long can lead to a cycle of excuses to delay the inevitable—whether it's a holiday, a birthday, or another significant event.
Spending Valentine’s Day with someone you no longer have feelings for can also be emotionally distressing. Pretending to be happy, exchanging gifts, and being physically intimate when your heart isn’t in it can cause unnecessary emotional strain for both partners.
Additionally, social media intensifies the pressure to showcase love through extravagant gifts and public declarations. Shelton notes that expectations for luxury gifts and romantic gestures can make people rethink whether the relationship is worth their time and investment.
By breaking up before Valentine’s Day, you avoid misleading your partner and free yourself from forced celebrations. Cope suggests breaking up at least a week before the holiday so both individuals have time to process their emotions and make alternative plans with friends or family.
Breaking Up After Valentine’s Day
For those unsure about ending their relationship, Shelton suggests waiting until after the holiday. The heightened expectations surrounding Valentine’s Day can sometimes distort emotions, making it difficult to determine if the relationship is truly over or just under stress from holiday pressure.
Waiting until after Valentine’s Day also gives the relationship a final chance. Seeing a partner go the extra mile to make the day special could reignite feelings and encourage both individuals to work through their differences.
Additionally, some people choose to wait to avoid associating future Valentine’s Days with heartbreak. Shelton explains that our brains naturally form associations between events, and breaking up too close to Valentine’s Day may create a lasting connection between the holiday and emotional pain.
Dealing with Guilt After a Breakup
Feeling guilty after a breakup is normal. Cope explains that guilt is a social emotion that arises when we consider how others perceive us. However, staying in a relationship out of guilt is unfair to both partners.
Shelton advises acknowledging the timing when breaking up. Saying something like "I know it’s close to Valentine’s Day, but I need to be honest about my feelings" helps express emotions without succumbing to external pressure.
Additionally, using “I” statements instead of blame-focused language can make the conversation more constructive. Ending a relationship with kindness and gratitude for shared experiences can make the transition easier for both parties.
Ultimately, focusing on personal growth and the lessons learned can help both individuals move forward toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the future.
