Many parents face the challenge of their child hitting others during their upbringing journey. How should parents handle this situation appropriately? Hitting does not mean a child intentionally wants to harm others; often, it’s their way of expressing emotions they cannot articulate. This article provides three practical approaches to help parents address their children's violent behavior while teaching them non-violent communication methods.
Understand the True Reasons Behind Hitting
When a child hits someone, it’s not because they are "bad," but because they cannot express their emotions verbally. Children aged 1.5 to 3 years old do not yet have fully developed language skills or the ability to self-regulate their emotions. As a result, they often use hitting to express feelings of unease, frustration, or unmet needs. Dr. Aliza Pressman, a psychologist, points out that this behavior typically stems from children feeling overstimulated or unable to adapt to their current situation. Understanding the reasons behind your child's hitting can help you respond calmly and rationally, making it easier to handle effectively.
Step 1: Stop the Behavior Immediately and Stay Calm
When a child hits someone, the first and most important step is to stop them immediately while maintaining a calm demeanor. Often, children are hit not to harm others but because their emotions are overwhelming. Parents should make eye contact with their child and firmly but gently say, "It's okay to feel angry, but hitting is not allowed." Communicate clearly that hitting is not an acceptable way to solve problems, and consistently enforce this rule. Addressing each instance calmly helps the child understand that violent behavior is unacceptable.
Toddlers are often hit because they are unable to express their emotions or needs. Parents should understand the underlying reasons and guide their children to express emotions with a calm attitude. (Photo / Heho)
A Simple Solution: Distract Their Attention
When a child is emotionally overwhelmed, redirecting their attention is often the most effective solution. Introducing a new toy or engaging them in another activity can help them move past the emotional conflict. For example, if two children are fighting over a toy, parents can give them a minute to try resolving the issue on their own. If the conflict escalates, the toy can be temporarily removed, with a clear explanation that hitting is not allowed. This approach teaches children that aggressive behavior will not resolve their problems.
After Stopping the Behavior: Focus on Emotions and Teach Solutions
Once you’ve successfully stopped the hitting, the next steps are equally crucial. Parents should help their children understand their emotions and teach them appropriate ways to express them. For instance, when a child feels frustrated or angry, guide them to say, "I’m upset," instead of resorting to hitting. Additionally, parents can use role-playing games to teach problem-solving skills, such as expressing their needs verbally or seeking help from an adult when a toy is taken.
Everyday Education: Avoid Violence and Foster Empathy
Parents should minimize their child's exposure to violent media. Studies show that children who frequently watch violent content are more likely to exhibit aggressive behavior. Furthermore, parents should lead by example, avoiding physical punishment. If children learn that violence is wrong but see their parents resorting to physical discipline, it can confuse them and lead them to believe that hitting is a valid problem-solving method.
Parents can also nurture empathy in their children, helping them understand how their actions affect others. For example, explain how being hit feels for someone else and compare it to how the child feels when they are hurt. Developing empathy allows children to handle conflicts more rationally in the future.
Guide children to understand emotions and their effects. Practice problem-solving through games, teaching them appropriate ways to express themselves and seek help from adults. (Photo / Heho)
Children’s hitting behavior is often their way of expressing emotions. By understanding the underlying reasons and guiding them with the right approach, parents can help their children learn non-violent communication methods, fostering maturity and kindness in their interpersonal relationships.
