Violence is often associated with adolescent issues, but in reality, many children show signs of emotional outbursts from a young age, which can become a catalyst for emotional conflict between parents and children. Dr. Lee Wan-chen, attending physician at Taipei City Hospital Songde Branch, suggests that emotional training is not just for children; parents also need to learn how to control themselves and guide their children in a proper way, gradually establishing stable parent-child interactions.
Parallel Emotional Training for Parents and Children
For many parents, dealing with violent behavior from their children can feel overwhelming, but scolding alone does not solve the problem. Dr. Lee points out that many children act out due to an inability to control their impulses. Parents should consider whether underlying issues, such as attention deficit, hyperactivity disorder, or repressed emotional stress, might be contributing to their child's behavior. Regardless of the cause, calm parenting skills, a gentle communication environment, and proper emotional exercises are key to reducing violent behavior in children.
Provide Calm Space to Avoid Emotional Escalation
When emotions between parents and children begin to escalate, it is crucial to allow some space for everyone to calm down. Many parents fall into a cycle of emotional reactions, which only leads to loss of control on both sides. Dr. Lee reminds us that when parents remain calm, it sets the best example. If tension arises, parents can say softly to their child, "Let's take some time to calm down, and we'll talk again when we're both feeling better." Avoid saying blameful or hurtful things when emotions are running high.
Parents should guide children to calm down, identify emotional triggers, and understand the complex emotions behind anger. (Photo / Provided by Heho)
Three-Step Discussion Technique After the Child Calms Down
Once the child has calmed down, parents can use the following three steps to discuss what happened, helping the child understand their feelings and learn to control their emotions:
- Guide the Child to Trace the Emotional Trigger: Help the child identify the cause of their emotions, understand what situation or action made them upset or angry.
- Self-Reflect on Behavior Patterns: Parents should reflect on whether their tone or words during the interaction might have contributed to the child’s agitation. This can help guide future interactions more effectively.
- Analyze the Complexity Behind Emotions: Help the child understand that emotions like anger may also include feelings of injustice, shame, or other complex emotions. Through this analysis, the child can learn how to express themselves correctly.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Teaching Kids to "Step on the Brakes"
Dr. Lee emphasizes that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a useful method for helping children control their impulses. By drawing a flowchart of events, from the trigger to the action, children can gradually understand the emotional process. For example, when faced with verbal triggers, a child might experience physical reactions like an increased heart rate or rapid breathing, which are signals of imminent emotional loss of control. When these warning signs appear, the child can try to divert their attention or practice deep breathing to manage their emotions.
Rational Dialogue: Creating a Safe Space for Emotional Expression
Throughout the process of emotional control training, Dr. Lee advises parents to avoid using critical or blameful language, as this can lead to defensive behavior in the child, preventing them from expressing their true feelings. When children feel safe to share without pressure, they are more likely to face their emotional issues through practice and gradually learn self-adjustment.
Emotional control is not only a challenge for children but also a skill that parents need to learn alongside them. When parents and children work together to improve their emotional management, they can find opportunities for smoother interactions in each emotional storm, ultimately building a stable and harmonious parent-child relationship.
