At the age of two, children enter the "rebellious phase," which feels like embarking on a mini-adventure. At this stage, they love saying "no" and often experience emotional meltdowns when things don’t go their way. For parents, this is a critical time to understand their child’s emotions, but without proper strategies, it may leave both the child and parents feeling overwhelmed. Occupational therapist Guo Hongyin has introduced the "7 Do’s and 3 Don’ts" parenting principles to provide an effective way to navigate this phase.
Guide Emotions, Provide Gentle Companionship
When children cry or get angry due to frustration, parents can guide them to express their feelings by describing their emotions. For instance, if a child gets upset because their toy tower falls, parents can say, "I see you’re angry because the blocks fell. That’s frustrating, isn’t it?" This type of verbal guidance helps children learn how to express emotions and avoid being overwhelmed by their feelings.
The age of two marks a child's first rebellious phase, characterized by strong emotions, increased expression, a growing sense of independence, and active exploration. (Image provided by Heho)
Offer Choices to Foster Cooperation
When you need your child to cooperate, using the "choice method" can involve them in decision-making. For example, when it’s time to clean up toys, ask, "Do you want to put away the cars first or the blocks?" This type of question enhances interaction and makes the child feel involved in decision-making, increasing their willingness to cooperate.
Allow Crying, Limit Aggressive Behavior
During emotional breakdowns, children need time to calm down. Parents can stay by their side and let them cry to release emotions. However, if emotions turn into aggressive behavior, such as hitting or throwing objects, parents should intervene calmly and firmly, saying, "No hitting," or "No throwing things." This teaches children boundaries and emotional regulation.
Provide Adequate Time to Build Good Habits
Young children need time to learn new skills, whether it’s putting on shoes or preparing to go out. Parents should allocate an additional 10–20 minutes to patiently guide them through these daily tasks. This approach not only satisfies the child’s need for autonomy but also brings order to daily routines.
Guide Without Asking for Permission, Maintain a Stable Routine
When it’s time to eat or prepare for bed, avoid asking, "Is it okay to eat now?" Instead, firmly state, "It’s time to eat now." Such direct language helps children adapt to a structured schedule and understand daily expectations.
Use Positive Encouragement to Promote Behavior Learning
Praise your child immediately and specifically for good behavior to help them understand what actions are commendable. For instance, say, "You did a great job today because you politely expressed your needs." This type of encouragement not only motivates children to behave positively but also reinforces desirable behaviors.
The 3 Don'ts: Avoid Adding Pressure
Guo Hongyin emphasizes three things to avoid:
- Don’t fear their emotions. A child’s crying is simply an expression of emotions, not necessarily rebellion. Stay with them and observe the reasons behind their behavior.
- Don’t do everything for them. Allowing children to complete small tasks independently fosters confidence and a sense of achievement.
- Don’t use "violence to teach against violence." Physical punishment can reinforce the misconception that problems can be solved through aggression.
Every Child Is Unique
Each child is a unique individual, shaped by both their innate temperament and environment. While understanding their needs, parents should patiently guide them in learning emotional regulation. The emotional management established during this period will serve as a crucial foundation for the child’s healthy development.
